Letter To My Pregnant-With-Twins Self

Dear Baby “Expert,”

I have some tips for you. Right now, you’re probably sitting in your comfy recliner in the twins’ nursery with your manatee-sized belly at 2:00 AM reading “C-Sections: What to Expect.”  Just know, that’s the easiest part of all of this. Enjoy that 45-minute surgery, because it will be one of the last times you get to lay down and have things done for you. What you should really be doing during those sleepless pregnant nights is reading “How to Juggle Two Mini Me’s Better Than a Circus Clown.” While all of that medical background and degrees you have are helpful, you seem to have missed a few classes, such as Feeding Two Babies At Once 101 or What The Hell Am I Doing With Twins 202. Get ready to feel like you don’t know a thing and prepare yourself to wing it all.

When you’re organizing cute little matching outfits in the closet to prepare for their arrival, your time would probably be better spent interviewing another twin mom about survival gear and tactics for when your babies are out in the wild. Buckle up, because you’re about to star in your own episode of Naked and Afraid: The Twins Edition.

As you’re focusing on putting away boxes of newly-washed baby bottles in the cabinet for that special day the nuggets come home, please know you’re wasting your time. Your twins are going to Goldilocks the heck out of them and try 8,000 different bottles until they find one that’s juuuuust right. Instead, you might consider focusing your time on preparing a relaxing, romantic date with your husband. Soon enough, your “dates” will involve a one course meal of burnt food from the oven and a glass of Why Are You Crying.

While you’re complaining in those last few weeks of pregnancy about how you’re more exhausted than a turtle on a treadmill, you’ll look back and miss those days that actually weren’t exhausting at all. Get ready to speak in yawns, because fluent English will be a thing of the past.

My last piece of advice to you, Mrs. I Don’t Like Asking For Help, is don’t be afraid to call someone when you need extra hands. Trust me, you’ll need it that day your twins gift you with matching blowouts.

All jokes aside, you won’t be a perfect mom. You won’t know it all. You will know, though, that you’re doing your best. And despite all of this, I reassure you that eventually things WILL GET BETTER and those two gummy smiles will get you through it. When you finally realize that you aren’t really the baby expert, you’ll also realize you are the expert at loving your babies.

Love,

Me