OMG TWINS! The 11 Dos and Don'ts That Will Change Your Life

Not many experiences can trump the joy that comes with becoming a mother of multiples. At the same time, though, not many experiences can trump the difficulty level that comes with it—especially that first month at home!! I swear earning my doctorate while working full time while planning my wedding (all at the same time) back in 2016 was easier than that first month of twins! In those first several weeks of recovering from my C-section, waking up at all hours of the night, hormonal shifts, and feeling so rundown, I had some moments where I felt like I was unraveling and about to “lose it.” New twin motherhood is HARD.

In an effort to help other new twin moms feel like they can “keep it together” and stay grounded, I’ve made a “Do’s and Don’ts” list based on my own experiences for those beginning stages at home with twins. Hopefully you find a helpful takeaway here and please feel free to add any additional thoughts in the comments!

The 11 Do’s:

1.   Save money in creative ways.

This is a big one—because I know how (super) expensive twins can be! I actually wrote a blog post about How to Save Money as a Parent of Multiples, but here are a few examples to consider:

• Buy your bassinets, jumpers, and swings from second-hand stores or apps (like the LetGo app)—These are items that you will potentially not use for very long, so if you can find a lightly used one in good condition, then that is definitely the way to go!

• Ask for a twin discount—yes, it actually exists at some stores, like BuyBuy Baby!

• Order diapers and wipes in bulk online—it will save you HUNDREDS of dollars that first year! P.S. Did you know you’ll spend somewhere around ~$1800 on diapers that first year with twins?!

2.   Remember your twins are individuals, too.

Try your best not to compare them (and I acknowledge that this is really hard). There’s nothing wrong with one twin doing something before or differently than the other. Whether they’re identical or fraternal, they WILL do things in their own unique time. And you can’t change the inevitable. For example, in the very beginning, I always struggled with comparing how much my son ate versus my daughter (he would eat much, much less). But that was simply his configuration. He wasn’t wired to be as big of an eater as my daughter was as an infant—and that’s OK! They both turned out happy and healthy and that’s all that matters!

3.   Learn how to feed your babies simultaneously (whether it’s breastfeeding or bottle feeding).

I always tried to feed my kids at the exact same times (instead of one right after the other) because I knew this way they would be hungry together, sleepy together, and NAP together. It’s one of your key ways to having a moment to yourself. Otherwise, you might feel like you’re always feeding babies nonstop! I used to put my twins in their Boppy pillows propped up at an angle on the couch while I kneeled down on the floor in front of them to bottle feed. Once they got a little older, then we transitioned to their highchairs with me kneeling down in front of them. It worked great for us! Another consideration is the TwinZ Pillow that so many twin moms love!

4.   Keep your twins on the same feeding and sleeping schedules.

Of course, it goes without saying that if you’re keeping them on the same feeding schedule, you’ll want them on the same sleeping schedule, too. Efficiency is the name of the game.

5.   Sleep when the babies sleep.

I remember being annoyed by this phrase when people said it to me when I was pregnant. But, wow, they were RIGHT. Sleep is a coveted treat in those first few weeks. Take advantage of the quiet and get the rest you deserve. Don’t worry about those dishes and laundry. Seriously. They can wait!

6.   Take shifts at night or consider at night nanny.

So, we did both of these. For the first 2 weeks, we rotated baby duty shifts between me, my husband, and one of the grandmas to get through each night. I won’t lie to you—it was still completely brutal. But sharing the responsibility was very necessary so everyone could have a chance to rest. We eventually caved in and got a night nanny to help a few nights a week for the first few months. The nights that she came to watch the twins TRULY saved our lives! Read more about our twin night nanny experience here.

7.   Keep track of ins and outs in the beginning.

I wrote down every single feed (time and volume), pee, and poop in the beginning. Some might think it sounds a bit excessive, but during those first few weeks at home it’s critical! I was so tired and could hardly remember my own name in the beginning. So, I knew I wasn’t going to remember how much Baby A drank 6 hours ago. When you have two babies going through the same things at once, it’s nice to keep everyone’s information separate and organized. By the way, the Sprout app is a good app to consider that allows for the input of multiple children and great for tracking several things (like feeds/pumping, diapers, developmental milestones, growth, and doctor’s visits). Two years later, I still use this app to chart their growth! :)

8.  Keep hand sanitizer next to your front door and nearby at all times.

…Because you don’t need two sick babies. Screen your visitors for illnesses before they come over and always ask them to wash their hands before holding a baby!

9. Have another adult join you at pediatrician appointments.

Even to this day, I still always make sure I have a second set of hands with me when I take the twins for their doctor’s appointments—whether it’s the pediatrician, dentist, or eye doctor. It’s all about thinking ahead to reduce potential disasters. It can be hard to fill out paperwork or hold an important conversation with the pediatrician while tending to 2 babies alone.

10.  Book a newborn photographer.

Out of all the trillions of photos I have (literally, I have over 76,000 pictures on my phone), it’s the newborn photos that I will cherish the most forever. There is NOTHING sweeter than two little babies (that you know won’t stay little forever) all cozied up together. You don’t want to look back and regret not having these pictures!

11.   Follow other twin moms on social media.

I highlight this one A LOT in my posts because it truly is a survival tactic to having twins. This goes beyond just that first month—it applies all through twin parenthood. Sometimes, it’s just nice to connect with someone that’s currently going through (or already has gone through) everything you’re experiencing as a mom of multiples. It’s a great way to learn tips and tricks. I also find it helpful to follow other twin moms with twins a few months older than mine—that way I get a “heads up” on what’s possibly about to happen in my own house!

The 11 Don’ts:

1.     Don’t purchase the footie pajamas with the snaps.

You laugh, but it’s TRUE! Yes, the outfits with all those 1,000,000,000 confusing buttons are super cute and adorable, BUT… when it’s 3AM you’ll think those outfits are just an evil joke. Consider zippers—now THOSE are functional!

2.     Don’t turn down help.

Its twin survival tip #1. Never say no—even if you’re like me and usually like to do things yourself—JUST SAY YES. Your body and your mind will thank you later.

3.     Don’t worry too much about baths yet.

Bath time with twin newborns used to be my least favorite task. It just sounded like so much work at first! Now it’s something we look forward to and it’s SO much fun—but back then, I dreaded it! The good news is this: you really only need to bathe your babies maybe 2 times a week. Anything more than that can dry their skin out too much.

4.     Don’t buy two of everything.

While some things definitely need to be duplicated for twins, there are MANY things you can skip duplicating. Save your money where you can!

• You’ll only need ONE of these:

  • Changing table

  • Toys (this will change when they’re older of course!)

  • Floor gym

  • Diaper bag

  • Infant bath tub (just bathe one at a time!)

  • Baby monitor

  • Breastfeeding twin-Z pillow

  • Twin carrier

  • Double stroller

• But, you’ll need TWO of these:

  • Carseats

  • Cribs

  • Pack-N-Plays

  • Diapers (well, maybe you’ll need more than just two 😉)

  • Clothes

  • High chairs

  • Boppy Newborn loungers

  • Jumpers

  • Mamaroo swings

5.     Don’t buy used car seats.

Since you can’t be 100% sure of their exact history, it’ generally not recommended to purchase second-hand carseats. You can’t be sure of whether it’s been in a car wreck, whether it’s expired, whether it’s been recalled, etc. (unless it’s someone you know and trust). If it’s an option, I would always recommend purchasing carseats brand new in order to optimize safety.

6.     Don’t wait until the last second to get to know your double stroller and car seats.

…unless you want to humiliate (and frustrate) yourself like I did! LOL. I was in a parking lot full of people after one of the twins’ first pediatrician appointments. And I had ZERO clue what I was doing trying to open up the stroller from the folded position. I’m sure it was quite the comedy show for anyone watching. I eventually figured out how to properly fold/unfold everything in the parking lot, but boy did it feel like an ordeal. So, now I just like to forewarn others! Take an extra moment at home—ideally before your kids are born—to acclimate yourself to ALL of your baby equipment!

7.  Don’t wait until maternity leave to decide whether you’re going back to work or not.

Truly it was one of the toughest choices of my life. I thought I had my mind made up before maternity leave to continue working full-time, but clearly I had not done enough realistic thinking about it yet. When my twins were only 7 weeks old (so roughly half way through my maternity leave) I realized it was NOT in my family’s best interest for me to continue working full-time. I ultimately chose to reduce my work hours and that has worked very well for us. I cannot emphasize enough to you how hard that process was for me. That said, I definitely recommend thinking it through completely and evaluate your options far in advance. The later you wait, the more emotional the choices can become. Read more about my difficult decision of whether to work or not to work after twins here.

8.  Don’t entertain thoughts of mom guilt.

Nope! Don’t do it! Because nobody is perfect. Every mother is going to have her own individual journey through motherhood. And if yours includes feeding your children formula instead of breastmilk, choosing to work instead of stay at home with your kids, staying home with your kids instead of going back to work, etc., you are STILL a FABULOUS mother! Remember that. As you watch your children grow and meet milestones all while being happy and healthy, you will be reminded of how great of a job you are doing. And if you want to feel normal, go read my post about all those times I felt mom guilt in the beginning!

9.  Don’t lose your sense of humor.

Gosh, seriously. Laughter causes the release of endorphins and pretty much cures everything. One of my favorite twin newborn incidents that made me laugh to the point of tears was when my husband fed our twins WITH HIS FEET when he thought nobody was looking. And we GOT IT ON CAMERA by rewinding the nursery camera footage. LOL. He also later showed me photographic evidence he had taken on his own phone. So whether it’s laughing at yourself, scrolling through Instagram for a funny meme, calling that one funny friend we all have, or watching a comedy show—just find a way to laugh through all of this!

10.  Don’t forget to stay in touch with your friends.

Motherhood can be isolating. Between shifting priorities and perspectives, it’s natural that friends might drift apart after having kids. However, when you feel like your new life is starting to unravel and you’re starting to feel all alone, those friends can instead be your lifeline, keep you grounded, and make you “feel like yourself.” So, it’s worthwhile to keep those friendships alive.

11. Don’t let anyone’s advice hurt your feelings.

People are always going to offer their two cents—whether it’s asked for or not. If someone tries to tell you you’re doing something wrong with one of the babies (and you disagree with it), tries to “take over,” or makes you feel incompetent in some way—just remember deep down they probably mean well. I know it’s easier said than done, but reacting unemotionally and politely brushing it off is way better than letting it fester and feeling hurt. YOU are the mom , though, and you’ll ultimately do what you think is best for your children.

Having twin newborns can make you feel all out of sorts, but please know we have ALL had those feelings. You can (and you will!) get through it; there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. And in case you need to laugh on your way through that ”tunnel" here is the picture of my husband feeding our son with his foot! ;-p